This was published 9 months ago
Opinion
In my suburb, no home is complete without staff, security and a six-car basement
Henry Kalus
Lawyer and writerThe first home my European immigrant parents bought was in Toorak. It was affordable because it was a modest 1930s two-story townhouse (they were called maisonettes back then) on a busy main road intersection. It was 1971 and it cost $35,000.
Twenty-five years later, Mum sold it for 10 times that amount.
So when I grew up, I was determined to buy (something, anything) in Toorak, believing it would look after me, and my family. And I did. And hopefully, it will.
But Toorak isn’t for everybody.
Some years ago, when my daughter was travelling through India, she messaged me from a place called Varanasi. When she explained that it is a place where Indians go to die, I asked her if it was like Toorak. Now that’s probably unkind, both to Varanasi and to Toorak. But Toorak is one of Melbourne’s oldest suburbs, and because it has always been one of its most expensive, it has traditionally been inhabited by an older crowd.
But times are changing. Established by wealthy merchant James Jackson in 1849, it continues to break real estate records. With a median house price of just over $5 million, and large mansions that sell for more than $20 million, many homes have remained in the same families for years.
Cars parked along Ormsby Grove in Toorak.Credit: Luis Enrique Ascui
Now, generational change is afoot, one example being 28-year-old crypto wunderkind Ed Craven, who recently splashed a reported $80 million on a mansion that was – get this – in need of renovation.
Only five kilometres from Melbourne’s CBD, and with access to the Monash Freeway, Toorak is proximate to just about everything. Bordered by Glenferrie Road to the east, Williams Road to the west, Malvern Road to the south (where half of Hawksburn Village is actually in Toorak) and Melbourne’s meandering Yarra River to the north, it arguably has Melbourne’s most beautiful homes, on Melbourne’s most beautiful boulevards. And here’s a quirky fact: Toorak train station is not in Toorak. It’s in Armadale.
Our street in Toorak is full of lovely people who talk to each other a lot, though many Toorak neighbours seem to prefer to talk to each other through lawyers.
Neighbours socialise over disputes to do with fences, tree root damage, retaining walls, overlooking and construction. Toorak neighbours are open to disputes about all manner of issues. With land values above $10,000 per square metre, a few centimetres here or there could be worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. Which is nearly as much as Toorak people spend on their lawyers. Not that I am critical of high-priced lawyers. We are worth every cent.
In Toorak, disputes are always a matter of principle. Or is it ego?
But let’s not forget how beautiful this suburb is. Full of wide boulevards such as St Georges Road, Lansell Road, Hopetoun Road and Albany Road, Toorak is adorned by beautiful old trees and makes for peaceful evening walks.
Dogs are common. Nearly as common as security cameras, which makes it a high-risk business to not clean up your dog’s business. Even though the streets are wide, parking is impossible in Toorak from Monday to Friday.
That’s because Toorak residents pay other people to do everything. Gardeners, pool maintenance, window cleaners, housekeepers, plumbers, carpenters. The streets are full of them all week long.
In fact, if you are one of the poorer Toorak types who doesn’t have a six-car basement car park and you park your Merc out front, you’d be game to vacate your spot for a quick groceries trip to the fabulous Toscano’s or Bouchier for fear of losing your spot.
And on the subject of cars, a recent phenomenon has crept into Toorak. Utes. Yes, outer suburbs are full of utes, work vehicles that double as the family car. Now in Toorak, every second household seems to have a big shiny off-road ute – though not as a work car.
Tech wizards, investment bankers and surgeons don’t really need a tray for tools. No, in Toorak, Ford Rangers and Toyota HiLuxes are the spare. This bad boy is for the alpha male of the household who has everything.
I suppose an off-road vehicle might come in handy, given a home in Toorak is just not complete without a secondary residence by the beach and some Portsea beach houses do have unpaved driveways.
Half of Hawksburn Village, pictured in 2016, is in Toorak.Credit: Wayne Taylor
Now that the Mornington Peninsula is becoming just as expensive as Toorak, every Toorak dinner party has land tax on the menu. Whether the Toorak residence or the Portsea beach house should be the family’s principal place of residence has become the classic Toorak dilemma.
Toorak also has new apartments galore. Up and down Mathoura Road, Washington Street, Bruce Street, Toorak Road and Malvern Road are beautiful large apartments, mostly selling to downsizers. For more than $20,000 a square metre. Low maintenance is the driver. Good help is so hard to find!
You might be surprised to know that Toorak also has an abundance of charming apartments from the ’50s, ‘60s and ’70s that are relatively inexpensive and make for good living just near Toorak Village and on the No.58 tram line. Right now, there are 17 properties for sale in Toorak that are under $1 million.
The Village, as it is known, is the heartbeat of Toorak. Full of boutiques in Tudor-style buildings, and contemporary cafes, it is home to the landmark Romeos, a casual buzzing eatery that has been in the same family for more than 40 years. It’s such an institution that it would have to be Christmas Day for the pavement outside not to be full of patrons.
In the same way as stately old Toorak homes are being replaced by modern structures, older Toorak residents who move to nursing homes, or worse, are being replaced by the next generation.
Some love the proximity to the city, and the Yarra. Some love the status. Some, like my wife, are embarrassed to say that they live in Toorak. But if you can get past the assumptions people make when you say you live here, Toorak really is a wonderful place to live … when you’re not at your beach house.
Henry Kalus is a lawyer who likes to write.
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